Because I’ve been churning out a LOT of free content lately…
Details of why this post is necessary are on my Ko-Fi page.
Because I’ve been churning out a LOT of free content lately…
Details of why this post is necessary are on my Ko-Fi page.
When your Sunday Boyfriend brings you a vanilla coffee at your workplace because you gave up your Sunday off to help out in floral for Mother’s Day and he missed you in his bed and the guy he replaced texts you the next day to say he’s sorry for breaking up with you and wants you back
You snooze, you lose, ass hat. I assume this is Crackbaby we are referring to? Good riddance. :P
I like the new guy. Tex approved.
Are you kidding me, Crackbaby would NEVER say he was sorry and he wanted me back - he just does the covert shit, like coming to the store three times in the morning on a day when he’s not scheduled until the afternoon, just so he can wander around your department sneaking looks at you…like you’re not gonna see his 6′4 awkward ass coming from clear in the back of the building the second he walks in :/
Current Sunday Boyfriend got the hipthrust of approval from several female coworkers and at least two males lol
When your Sunday Boyfriend brings you a vanilla coffee at your workplace because you gave up your Sunday off to help out in floral for Mother’s Day and he missed you in his bed and the guy he replaced texts you the next day to say he’s sorry for breaking up with you and wants you back
MY GM: Hey R-
ME: What
MY GM: R -
ME: What
MY GM: R - !!!
ME: What
MY GM: GET OVER HERE!!!
ME, CLIMBING DOWN OFF MY LADDER WITH A GREATLY PUT-UPON SIGH THAT I MAKE SURE MY GM HEARS CLEARLY AS I ROUND THE CORNER WHERE HE'S KNEELING AT A DISPLAY: What
MY GM: Listen, we all know you and D have a...whatever it is you have going on, but you can't be yelling SHUT UP CRACKBABY across the store every time he gets on the intercom to request customer assistance
ME: I don't think that was me
MY GM: I heard you all the way back in cold storage
ME: He's a dick. Still doesn't mean it was me.
MY GM: Okay yeah he is kind of but you can't be doing that -
ME: He said I have demons from eating the store brand pickles and that's why I have a sour disposition
MY GM: ...
MY GM: ...
MY GM: That's fair, but please stop doing it anyway. Also did you get into an argument with a customer earlier today?
ME: Of course, it's Thursday
MY GM: Care to elaborate?
ME: Naw I'm good
MY GM: No really, please elaborate because I have to do a report again
ME: It's Thursday, that's when the asshats buy zucchinis and lube. Put that in your report.
MY GM: I don't - they what? Never mind. Who was it this time?
ME: The old councilman dude that comes in on Thursdays to buy zucchinis and lube
MY GM: You called him and I quote, "An old fart and a peasant"
ME: I didn't vote for him
MY GM: Are we supposed to call customers peasants?
ME: I find it funny that you focused on that instead of the old fart part
MY GM: We'll get to that in a minute
ME: He called me Princess
MY GM: *blinks*
MY GM: That's...like...a compliment
ME: *pointing to my name tag* My name's right here.
MY GM: That's not the point -
ME: Historically peasants couldn't read so I feel it was valid.
MY GM: Still not the point and he definitely read your name tag because he told customer service who it was. He also told them you said "I'm not a Princess I'm the fucken Queen, bitch"
ME: Facts is facts
MY GM: Again that's fair but listen, I know the customers can be difficult but you gotta stop -
*D'S VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM*: Customer assistance to the deli please, customer assistance to the deli
ME: SHUT UP CRACKBABY!!!!
MY GM, SIGHING LIKE HE JUST READ THE NAME OF OUR STORE IN THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS: It's always going to be you isn't it
ME: Must be the pickles
Church date?? Wut?? I think I may have missed that update (did you burst into flame?)
It’s a great story. I told it on AO3 in a fit of melancholic pique a few weeks ago but one day I’ll retell it in here through a lighter hearted lens (now that I’m over it and him) because honestly it’s a freaking hilarious tale. My god that boy, he either has no awareness or he’s straight up evil and I honestly have no idea which one it is. I hope it’s the evil option, I really do, because seriously touche on the pure unadulterated insanity that it took to pull that one off.
And yes, I did ask him exactly that - “You really want to see me burst into flames don’t you?!?” - when I realized where we were.
MY GM: Hey R-
ME: What
MY GM: R -
ME: What
MY GM: R - !!!
ME: What
MY GM: GET OVER HERE!!!
ME, CLIMBING DOWN OFF MY LADDER WITH A GREATLY PUT-UPON SIGH THAT I MAKE SURE MY GM HEARS CLEARLY AS I ROUND THE CORNER WHERE HE'S KNEELING AT A DISPLAY: What
MY GM: Listen, we all know you and D have a...whatever it is you have going on, but you can't be yelling SHUT UP CRACKBABY across the store every time he gets on the intercom to request customer assistance
ME: I don't think that was me
MY GM: I heard you all the way back in cold storage
ME: He's a dick. Still doesn't mean it was me.
MY GM: Okay yeah he is kind of but you can't be doing that -
ME: He said I have demons from eating the store brand pickles and that's why I have a sour disposition
MY GM: ...
MY GM: ...
MY GM: That's fair, but please stop doing it anyway. Also did you get into an argument with a customer earlier today?
ME: Of course, it's Thursday
MY GM: Care to elaborate?
ME: Naw I'm good
MY GM: No really, please elaborate because I have to do a report again
ME: It's Thursday, that's when the asshats buy zucchinis and lube. Put that in your report.
MY GM: I don't - they what? Never mind. Who was it this time?
ME: The old councilman dude that comes in on Thursdays to buy zucchinis and lube
MY GM: You called him and I quote, "An old fart and a peasant"
ME: I didn't vote for him
MY GM: Are we supposed to call customers peasants?
ME: I find it funny that you focused on that instead of the old fart part
MY GM: We'll get to that in a minute
ME: He called me Princess
MY GM: *blinks*
MY GM: That's...like...a compliment
ME: *pointing to my name tag* My name's right here.
MY GM: That's not the point -
ME: Historically peasants couldn't read so I feel it was valid.
MY GM: Still not the point and he definitely read your name tag because he told customer service who it was. He also told them you said "I'm not a Princess I'm the fucken Queen, bitch"
ME: Facts is facts
MY GM: Again that's fair but listen, I know the customers can be difficult but you gotta stop -
*D'S VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM*: Customer assistance to the deli please, customer assistance to the deli
ME: SHUT UP CRACKBABY!!!!
MY GM, SIGHING LIKE HE JUST READ THE NAME OF OUR STORE IN THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS: It's always going to be you isn't it
ME: Must be the pickles
Sassy. I seriously thought CrackPissBaby would be the one being called in the office.
I never get called into the office, the GM always just comes to the far end of whatever section I’m working in and yells “What’d you do this time?!?” and that’s generally the extent of my disciplinary action lol
Crackbaby is definitely the victim here, I’m systematically pushing him toward a mental episode so people can see what I’ve been dealing with all this time. I would have been content to leave him alone if he hadn’t started up with me again so…play stupid games, win stupid prizes
Our little battle royale over the goat cheese the other night raised a few eyebrows but he always somehow manages to pass these things off as us playing around. I’M NOT PLAYING I AM OUT FOR BLOOD
This should end well lol
The harsh rustle of wings cutting through the still air upset the quiet for just about a handful of seconds before the dust devil swirled up, blasting us in the faces with enough dirt and debris to blind us before the enormous dark shape hit the ground and closed its gigantic feathered appendages.
“Baltho, nice of you to drop in. To what do we owe this dubious honor?”
.
You know I work backwards lol

“Shouldn’t we help him?” Aiden asks as the heavy door falls shut behind us.
“You got any ideas on how to do that?”
The confusion that’s been etched into his face for the last ten minutes just goes deeper and he hesitates while the door swings on its weighted hinges, slowing down each time it hits its apex. By the time it’s still, he’s made his decision.
“He brought us for backup.”
“Aiden, he’s not in any danger.”
“You said that thing is an Ancient…whatever.”
“Yeah, and so is Kaine. Trust me, they’re just going to roll around like a couple of high school boys in the dirt until they get tired and agree to continue later. It’s what they do. And if things get critical, Kaine’s armed out the wazoo.”
“But there are more of them. I saw them. There were dozens on the other side watching.”
“All the more reason for me to get you out of here, pretty boy.”
I take two steps before I realize the swinging door is swinging again, and my pretty boy is on the other side of it, headed straight for Fausto and Kaine.
.
tag list reblog
MY GM: Hey R-
ME: What
MY GM: R -
ME: What
MY GM: R - !!!
ME: What
MY GM: GET OVER HERE!!!
ME, CLIMBING DOWN OFF MY LADDER WITH A GREATLY PUT-UPON SIGH THAT I MAKE SURE MY GM HEARS CLEARLY AS I ROUND THE CORNER WHERE HE’S KNEELING AT A DISPLAY: What
MY GM: Listen, we all know you and D have a…whatever it is you have going on, but you can’t be yelling SHUT UP CRACKBABY across the store every time he gets on the intercom to request customer assistance
ME: I don’t think that was me
MY GM: I heard you all the way back in cold storage
ME: He’s a dick. Still doesn’t mean it was me.
MY GM: Okay yeah he is kind of but you can’t be doing that -
ME: He said I have demons from eating the store brand pickles and that’s why I have a sour disposition
MY GM: …
MY GM: …
MY GM: That’s fair, but please stop doing it anyway. Also did you get into an argument with a customer earlier today?
ME: Of course, it’s Thursday
MY GM: Care to elaborate?
ME: Naw I’m good
MY GM: No really, please elaborate because I have to do a report again
ME: It’s Thursday, that’s when the asshats buy zucchinis and lube. Put that in your report.
MY GM: I don’t - they what? Never mind. Who was it this time?
ME: The old councilman dude that comes in on Thursdays to buy zucchinis and lube
MY GM: You called him and I quote, “An old fart and a peasant”
ME: I didn’t vote for him
MY GM: Are we supposed to call customers peasants?
ME: I find it funny that you focused on that instead of the old fart part
MY GM: We’ll get to that in a minute
ME: He called me Princess
MY GM: *blinks*
MY GM: That’s…like…a compliment
ME: *pointing to my name tag* My name’s right here.
MY GM: That’s not the point -
ME: Historically peasants couldn’t read so I feel it was valid.
MY GM: Still not the point and he definitely read your name tag because he told customer service who it was. He also told them you said “I’m not a Princess I’m the fucken Queen, bitch”
ME: Facts is facts
MY GM: Again that’s fair but listen, I know the customers can be difficult but you gotta stop -
*D’S VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM*: Customer assistance to the deli please, customer assistance to the deli
ME: SHUT UP CRACKBABY!!!!
MY GM, SIGHING LIKE HE JUST READ THE NAME OF OUR STORE IN THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS: It’s always going to be you isn’t it
ME: Must be the pickles

“Shouldn’t we help him?” Aiden asks as the heavy door falls shut behind us.
“You got any ideas on how to do that?”
The confusion that’s been etched into his face for the last ten minutes just goes deeper and he hesitates while the door swings on its weighted hinges, slowing down each time it hits its apex. By the time it’s still, he’s made his decision.
“He brought us for backup.”
“Aiden, he’s not in any danger.”
“You said that thing is an Ancient…whatever.”
“Yeah, and so is Kaine. Trust me, they’re just going to roll around like a couple of high school boys in the dirt until they get tired and agree to continue later. It’s what they do. And if things get critical, Kaine’s armed out the wazoo.”
“But there are more of them. I saw them. There were dozens on the other side watching.”
“All the more reason for me to get you out of here, pretty boy.”
I take two steps before I realize the swinging door is swinging again, and my pretty boy is on the other side of it, headed straight for Fausto and Kaine.
.
tag list reblog
The harsh rustle of wings cutting through the still air upset the quiet for just about a handful of seconds before the dust devil swirled up, blasting us in the faces with enough dirt and debris to blind us before the enormous dark shape hit the ground and closed its gigantic feathered appendages.
“Baltho, nice of you to drop in. To what do we owe this dubious honor?”
.