Burdened with a Glorious Something or Other

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
texmexdarling
lokilickedme

When your Sunday Boyfriend brings you a vanilla coffee at your workplace because you gave up your Sunday off to help out in floral for Mother’s Day and he missed you in his bed and the guy he replaced texts you the next day to say he’s sorry for breaking up with you and wants you back

image

Originally posted by najidaninja

texmexdarling

You snooze, you lose, ass hat. I assume this is Crackbaby we are referring to? Good riddance. :P

I like the new guy. Tex approved.

lokilickedme

Are you kidding me, Crackbaby would NEVER say he was sorry and he wanted me back - he just does the covert shit, like coming to the store three times in the morning on a day when he’s not scheduled until the afternoon, just so he can wander around your department sneaking looks at you…like you’re not gonna see his 6′4 awkward ass coming from clear in the back of the building the second he walks in :/

Current Sunday Boyfriend got the hipthrust of approval from several female coworkers and at least two males lol

@texmexdarling

he's my Stoner Bitch he's beautiful and so feckin sweet and considerate total mountain hippie he's making me a piece of jewelry which freaks me out but he's willing to come to the store and kiss me in front of Crackbaby so I owe him my soul for the summer at least we'll see how it goes beyond that I may keep this one
gigglingtigger-deactivated20230
lokilickedme

Today on another thrilling episode of Why Is It Always You: Work Edition

MY GM: Hey R-

ME: What

MY GM: R -

ME: What

MY GM: R - !!!

ME: What

MY GM: GET OVER HERE!!!

ME, CLIMBING DOWN OFF MY LADDER WITH A GREATLY PUT-UPON SIGH THAT I MAKE SURE MY GM HEARS CLEARLY AS I ROUND THE CORNER WHERE HE'S KNEELING AT A DISPLAY: What

MY GM: Listen, we all know you and D have a...whatever it is you have going on, but you can't be yelling SHUT UP CRACKBABY across the store every time he gets on the intercom to request customer assistance

ME: I don't think that was me

MY GM: I heard you all the way back in cold storage

ME: He's a dick. Still doesn't mean it was me.

MY GM: Okay yeah he is kind of but you can't be doing that -

ME: He said I have demons from eating the store brand pickles and that's why I have a sour disposition

MY GM: ...

MY GM: ...

MY GM: That's fair, but please stop doing it anyway. Also did you get into an argument with a customer earlier today?

ME: Of course, it's Thursday

MY GM: Care to elaborate?

ME: Naw I'm good

MY GM: No really, please elaborate because I have to do a report again

ME: It's Thursday, that's when the asshats buy zucchinis and lube. Put that in your report.

MY GM: I don't - they what? Never mind. Who was it this time?

ME: The old councilman dude that comes in on Thursdays to buy zucchinis and lube

MY GM: You called him and I quote, "An old fart and a peasant"

ME: I didn't vote for him

MY GM: Are we supposed to call customers peasants?

ME: I find it funny that you focused on that instead of the old fart part

MY GM: We'll get to that in a minute

ME: He called me Princess

MY GM: *blinks*

MY GM: That's...like...a compliment

ME: *pointing to my name tag* My name's right here.

MY GM: That's not the point -

ME: Historically peasants couldn't read so I feel it was valid.

MY GM: Still not the point and he definitely read your name tag because he told customer service who it was. He also told them you said "I'm not a Princess I'm the fucken Queen, bitch"

ME: Facts is facts

MY GM: Again that's fair but listen, I know the customers can be difficult but you gotta stop -

*D'S VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM*: Customer assistance to the deli please, customer assistance to the deli

ME: SHUT UP CRACKBABY!!!!

MY GM, SIGHING LIKE HE JUST READ THE NAME OF OUR STORE IN THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS: It's always going to be you isn't it

ME: Must be the pickles

gigglingtigger-deactivated20230

Church date?? Wut?? I think I may have missed that update (did you burst into flame?)

lokilickedme

It’s a great story.  I told it on AO3 in a fit of melancholic pique a few weeks ago but one day I’ll retell it in here through a lighter hearted lens (now that I’m over it and him) because honestly it’s a freaking hilarious tale.  My god that boy, he either has no awareness or he’s straight up evil and I honestly have no idea which one it is.  I hope it’s the evil option, I really do, because seriously touche on the pure unadulterated insanity that it took to pull that one off.

And yes, I did ask him exactly that - “You really want to see me burst into flames don’t you?!?” - when I realized where we were.

@gigglingtigger

texmexdarling
lokilickedme

Today on another thrilling episode of Why Is It Always You: Work Edition

MY GM: Hey R-

ME: What

MY GM: R -

ME: What

MY GM: R - !!!

ME: What

MY GM: GET OVER HERE!!!

ME, CLIMBING DOWN OFF MY LADDER WITH A GREATLY PUT-UPON SIGH THAT I MAKE SURE MY GM HEARS CLEARLY AS I ROUND THE CORNER WHERE HE'S KNEELING AT A DISPLAY: What

MY GM: Listen, we all know you and D have a...whatever it is you have going on, but you can't be yelling SHUT UP CRACKBABY across the store every time he gets on the intercom to request customer assistance

ME: I don't think that was me

MY GM: I heard you all the way back in cold storage

ME: He's a dick. Still doesn't mean it was me.

MY GM: Okay yeah he is kind of but you can't be doing that -

ME: He said I have demons from eating the store brand pickles and that's why I have a sour disposition

MY GM: ...

MY GM: ...

MY GM: That's fair, but please stop doing it anyway. Also did you get into an argument with a customer earlier today?

ME: Of course, it's Thursday

MY GM: Care to elaborate?

ME: Naw I'm good

MY GM: No really, please elaborate because I have to do a report again

ME: It's Thursday, that's when the asshats buy zucchinis and lube. Put that in your report.

MY GM: I don't - they what? Never mind. Who was it this time?

ME: The old councilman dude that comes in on Thursdays to buy zucchinis and lube

MY GM: You called him and I quote, "An old fart and a peasant"

ME: I didn't vote for him

MY GM: Are we supposed to call customers peasants?

ME: I find it funny that you focused on that instead of the old fart part

MY GM: We'll get to that in a minute

ME: He called me Princess

MY GM: *blinks*

MY GM: That's...like...a compliment

ME: *pointing to my name tag* My name's right here.

MY GM: That's not the point -

ME: Historically peasants couldn't read so I feel it was valid.

MY GM: Still not the point and he definitely read your name tag because he told customer service who it was. He also told them you said "I'm not a Princess I'm the fucken Queen, bitch"

ME: Facts is facts

MY GM: Again that's fair but listen, I know the customers can be difficult but you gotta stop -

*D'S VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM*: Customer assistance to the deli please, customer assistance to the deli

ME: SHUT UP CRACKBABY!!!!

MY GM, SIGHING LIKE HE JUST READ THE NAME OF OUR STORE IN THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS: It's always going to be you isn't it

ME: Must be the pickles

texmexdarling

Sassy. I seriously thought CrackPissBaby would be the one being called in the office.

lokilickedme

I never get called into the office, the GM always just comes to the far end of whatever section I’m working in and yells “What’d you do this time?!?” and that’s generally the extent of my disciplinary action lol

Crackbaby is definitely the victim here, I’m systematically pushing him toward a mental episode so people can see what I’ve been dealing with all this time. I would have been content to leave him alone if he hadn’t started up with me again so…play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Our little battle royale over the goat cheese the other night raised a few eyebrows but he always somehow manages to pass these things off as us playing around. I’M NOT PLAYING I AM OUT FOR BLOOD

This should end well lol

@texmexdarling

texmexdarling
lokilickedme

The harsh rustle of wings cutting through the still air upset the quiet for just about a handful of seconds before the dust devil swirled up, blasting us in the faces with enough dirt and debris to blind us before the enormous dark shape hit the ground and closed its gigantic feathered appendages.

“Baltho, nice of you to drop in.  To what do we owe this dubious honor?”


- Sneak preview of Book Three of The Carmichael Trilogy

.

texmexdarling

image

Originally posted by garfieldvsazman

Baltho!

You’re already working on Book Three?

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

lokilickedme

You know I work backwards lol

@texmexdarling

lokilickedme
lokilickedme

image

“Shouldn’t we help him?” Aiden asks as the heavy door falls shut behind us.

“You got any ideas on how to do that?”

The confusion that’s been etched into his face for the last ten minutes just goes deeper and he hesitates while the door swings on its weighted hinges, slowing down each time it hits its apex.  By the time it’s still, he’s made his decision.

“He brought us for backup.”

“Aiden, he’s not in any danger.”

“You said that thing is an Ancient…whatever.”

“Yeah, and so is Kaine.  Trust me, they’re just going to roll around like a couple of high school boys in the dirt until they get tired and agree to continue later.  It’s what they do.  And if things get critical, Kaine’s armed out the wazoo.”

“But there are more of them.  I saw them.  There were dozens on the other side watching.”

“All the more reason for me to get you out of here, pretty boy.”

I take two steps before I realize the swinging door is swinging again, and my pretty boy is on the other side of it, headed straight for Fausto and Kaine.

.

Chapter 22 is up!

lokilickedme

tag list reblog

Keep reading

Today on another thrilling episode of Why Is It Always You: Work Edition

MY GM: Hey R-

ME: What

MY GM: R -

ME: What

MY GM: R - !!!

ME: What

MY GM: GET OVER HERE!!!

ME, CLIMBING DOWN OFF MY LADDER WITH A GREATLY PUT-UPON SIGH THAT I MAKE SURE MY GM HEARS CLEARLY AS I ROUND THE CORNER WHERE HE’S KNEELING AT A DISPLAY: What

MY GM: Listen, we all know you and D have a…whatever it is you have going on, but you can’t be yelling SHUT UP CRACKBABY across the store every time he gets on the intercom to request customer assistance

ME: I don’t think that was me

MY GM: I heard you all the way back in cold storage

ME: He’s a dick. Still doesn’t mean it was me.

MY GM: Okay yeah he is kind of but you can’t be doing that -

ME: He said I have demons from eating the store brand pickles and that’s why I have a sour disposition

MY GM:

MY GM:

MY GM: That’s fair, but please stop doing it anyway. Also did you get into an argument with a customer earlier today?

ME: Of course, it’s Thursday

MY GM: Care to elaborate?

ME: Naw I’m good

MY GM: No really, please elaborate because I have to do a report again

ME: It’s Thursday, that’s when the asshats buy zucchinis and lube. Put that in your report.

MY GM: I don’t - they what? Never mind. Who was it this time?

ME: The old councilman dude that comes in on Thursdays to buy zucchinis and lube

MY GM: You called him and I quote, “An old fart and a peasant”

ME: I didn’t vote for him

MY GM: Are we supposed to call customers peasants?

ME: I find it funny that you focused on that instead of the old fart part

MY GM: We’ll get to that in a minute

ME: He called me Princess

MY GM: *blinks*

MY GM: That’s…like…a compliment

ME: *pointing to my name tag* My name’s right here.

MY GM: That’s not the point -

ME: Historically peasants couldn’t read so I feel it was valid.

MY GM: Still not the point and he definitely read your name tag because he told customer service who it was. He also told them you said “I’m not a Princess I’m the fucken Queen, bitch”

ME: Facts is facts

MY GM: Again that’s fair but listen, I know the customers can be difficult but you gotta stop -

*D’S VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM*: Customer assistance to the deli please, customer assistance to the deli

ME: SHUT UP CRACKBABY!!!!

MY GM, SIGHING LIKE HE JUST READ THE NAME OF OUR STORE IN THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS: It’s always going to be you isn’t it

ME: Must be the pickles

I love my job nobody expects me to behave anymore the new GM inherited me a month ago and I think he only has these talks with me now for entertainment purposes Pro Tip: I'm the one sending customers to the deli to confuse D with requests he isn't trained to handle I'm going to give him a nervous breakdown if it's the last thing I do I still owe him for that church date I'm never gonna get over the pure unmitigated sociopathy of that the pickle thing was uncalled for too Pro Tip Number 2: don't get into sexual relationships with people you work with unless you're cool with low-key emotional violence because that's where it all goes later I personally get Big Jollies off it and he obviously does too so it's all good the Customer Assistance thing is getting to him though yesterday nonexistent Yak Cheese today pre-filled condoms this one's gonna break him I stg
lokilickedme
lokilickedme

image

“Shouldn’t we help him?” Aiden asks as the heavy door falls shut behind us.

“You got any ideas on how to do that?”

The confusion that’s been etched into his face for the last ten minutes just goes deeper and he hesitates while the door swings on its weighted hinges, slowing down each time it hits its apex.  By the time it’s still, he’s made his decision.

“He brought us for backup.”

“Aiden, he’s not in any danger.”

“You said that thing is an Ancient…whatever.”

“Yeah, and so is Kaine.  Trust me, they’re just going to roll around like a couple of high school boys in the dirt until they get tired and agree to continue later.  It’s what they do.  And if things get critical, Kaine’s armed out the wazoo.”

“But there are more of them.  I saw them.  There were dozens on the other side watching.”

“All the more reason for me to get you out of here, pretty boy.”

I take two steps before I realize the swinging door is swinging again, and my pretty boy is on the other side of it, headed straight for Fausto and Kaine.

.

Chapter 22 is up!

lokilickedme

tag list reblog

Keep reading

The harsh rustle of wings cutting through the still air upset the quiet for just about a handful of seconds before the dust devil swirled up, blasting us in the faces with enough dirt and debris to blind us before the enormous dark shape hit the ground and closed its gigantic feathered appendages.

“Baltho, nice of you to drop in.  To what do we owe this dubious honor?”


- Sneak preview of Book Three of The Carmichael Trilogy

.

yes I know book 2 isn't out yet but you know how I work here we go crossing the streams again how many of you have been here long enough to remember how much I used to love doing that?